Hi, yo, and hola, and all that. Oh, hey, I read these somewhere and I think it’s really funny:
An Englishmen, a French man, and a New Yorker are captured by cannibals. The chief says, “We will kill you, eat you, and use your skins to make a new canoe.” He also says they get to choose how they would like to die. the Englishman pulls out a small gun, yells “God save the Queen!”, pulls the trigger, and dies. The Frenchman grabs a bottle of poison, shouts “Vive la France.” and dies. It’s the New Yorker’s turn. He grabs a fork and stabs himself all over saying, Screw your darn canoe!!!”
Dramatically slamming a book shut is way more satisfying than turning my Kindle off and placing it gently on the table.
Some rather Unhelpful advice:
In case of fire, evacuate building. Do not use stairs. Do not use elevator. (Sign at Federal Reserve Bank in Boston)
This was overheard in the hospital…
Nurse: When you get home,put ice on your eye to reduce the swelling. A bag of frozen peas works well.
Patient: We don’t have any frozen peas. Will canned peas work?